For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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