I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
