worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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