1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
