i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
