You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
