Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize