she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
