How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize