Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
