Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
