haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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