Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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