i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
