I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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