singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
