I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize