you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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