Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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