I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
