I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
