your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
