You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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