Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
