You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize