So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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