Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
