Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's shark week go big or go home
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
