I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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