got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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