Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
