shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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