All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
