carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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