i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
