with your own penis?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
