You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
