I love black thongs
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
