ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
