i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
