Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
