I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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