I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
