I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
COCAINE IS GR8
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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