i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
