she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
