You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
