Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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