ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
