Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
