For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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