corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
