I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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