hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
