Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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