We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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