i think my mom watched the whole time
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
