dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
