Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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