Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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