im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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