is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Pants are for mortals
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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