onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In America we eat man semen.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize