sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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